Delay.

Okay. Hm. Blog. It's been such a long time, I swear.

I'm 18 now! I don't like it. I don't know. In a way, I've never felt less sure of myself in my entire life. It's like I don't have an excuse to be lost, anymore. I suppose a lot has happened too, and I can't see things getting any less busy. In about 16 days I am flying off to Europe. I have so much to do, and yet today all I can do is sit around doing absolutely nothing - I'm kind of blank. Devoid of everything. I don't know. Usually I have so much to do and think about, and ever since I woke up today it's just been one big fat nothing after the next. It's sort of like a weird hangover I get after a bad night. Anywho.

I'm kind of thinking it's a bad thing for me to talk to people. I never give anyone or anything my all, and that kind of makes me sad. Like I can tell someone something, and it feels like too much, but it's not everything. And that makes me a little sad, because no one has a complete picture, just a fragment...no one will ever completely understand. If everyone I've ever met in all my life could hold up everything they know about me and put it together like a puzzle, I wonder whether they'd even get a complete picture. I think maybe not. Only I have the complete image. I guess they do say you have to be your own best friend...I just feel sort of lonely. Not lonely in the literal sense of the word though, just in the sense that I never mean as much to people as they mean to me. I've been trying to get used to it all my life. I sound emo.

When you are this
cold you can think about
nothing but the cold, the images

hitting into your eyes
like needles, crystals, you are happy.